Floral wrap dress from ASOS
As my 25th birthday swiftly approaches, my concern for the future has irrationally grown. It’s funny to think that when you were 16, 25 seemed so mature – you thought by this time you would be established and have a clear direction in life. In reality, I’ve never felt more confused! Here’s the thing: school was simple. You (hopefully) knew the outcome and there was an end goal. Once you got past picking a major, your mission was to graduate and land a job. After that happened for me just as planned, a monster-sized question mark dropped in front of me shouting, “Now what?”
The ‘natural’ order of things is to start at the bottom rung of the latter and work your way to the top. Eventually you’ve gone as far as you can go until it’s time to retire and live out the rest of your days. Other than that, there really aren’t any more end goals or clear directions to go in. You kind of just confusedly bop around until you find your place in the world. As someone who likes to be in control of every situation, this drives me absolutely crazy! I hate not knowing where I’ll be in say, four years, the way I did in high school or college. To make up for this, I’ve been dabbling in TONS of new things. It’s my strange way of giving control back to myself, but it also has the tendency to backfire because I feel disappointed when things don’t go as planned. While a little experimentation is good, what I’ve been doing is a clear-cut case of lacking focus, which is never a good thing.
I think the idea of being in the same career path for the next 40 years has really spooked me, but as I said before I have no idea where I’ll be in four years. Instead of viewing this as a negative thing, I should be open and optimistic (and probably stop being such a control freak). I need to spend less time worrying (which has the power to change absolutely nothing, by the way) and more time hyper-focused on one or two things that make me happy. 25 is still young, and there’s plenty of time to let the chips fall where they may. Who knows, they could fall into the most unpredictable of places!